Role models and true stories of forgiveness

From 16Guidelines

Desmond Tutu

When Desmond Tutu speaks about forgiveness, he often tells the story of the young anti-apartheid activist Malusi Mpumlwana who was detained without trial in prison and tortured by the South African security police during the late 1970s and early 1980s. One of the ways that Malusi coped with his brutal treatment was to remember that although the police were behaving inhumanely, they were also God’s children and depended on him to recover the humanity they had lost.

The Truth and Reconciliation Commission, set up in 1995 to promote restorative rather than retributive justice in the new South Africa, was grounded in the same philosophy: that we are all are interconnected and depend on each other to learn and grow. As the Chair of the Commission, Tutu listened to harrowing testimonies that moved him to tears. Nevertheless, he maintained his belief that everyone has the potential for forgiveness and reconciliation. “Yes indeed these people were guilty of monstrous, even diabolical deeds [but] that did not turn them into monsters or demons.”

Tutu is a down to earth man. He speaks of his own struggle to say ‘sorry’ to his wife, even in the intimacy and love of their bedroom. In his analysis, everyone makes mistakes, and the starting point is to admit this. Sorrow or contrition lead to confession, to forgiveness and finally to reconciliation. He is adamant you cannot ignore the wrong, or brush it under the carpet. He says: "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality."

In some ways, Desmond Tutu might seem an unlikely personality to win a Nobel Prize for Peace. He is often outspoken and provocative, and has had lively public quarrels with other South African leaders such as Thabo Mbeki and even Nelson Mandela. Like the Old Testament prophet Jeremiah, he feels no choice but to speak his mind. Yet it is his openness and vulnerability that strengthen his power to connect with people, and encourage them to develop their own capacity to forgive. With his broad smile and infectious giggle, he has now travelled all over the world as an ambassador for forgiveness.

Anne Gallagher

Anne Gallagher is a former nurse from Belfast who looked after victims of bombs and bullets on both sides of the sectarian divide. “Seeing them lying there, naked and attached to life support machines, I didn’t see a uniform, I just saw their hearts, their pain.” She also experienced The Troubles first hand. Her father and three brothers were interned without trial, and her brother Dominic was shot dead in front of his young son. Her response was to set up Seeds of Hope, an organisation that facilitates story telling, based on The Troubles, through music, art, drama, writing and sport. “We listen to people’s stories, but we don’t judge them. There’s healing in that. The idea is that when you hear my story and I hear your story, it becomes our story, and seeds of hope are sown.” Similar work is now being carried out in prisons, schools and communities in Sweden, Belgium and the USA.

Reproduced with permission from The Forgiveness Project [www.theforgivenessproject.com]